I have nothing to say, and I will shout it from the mountains! Indeed, I live near Glacier Park, it wouldn’t take long to get to one from which I could shout, ” !” I have nothing to say, and I’m bound and determined to say it.
That’s rarely true. Indeed, it isn’t true now. My counselor suggested that, because my broken parts, my “alters,” cannot talk, I journal. I usually do this with a voice recorder, somewhat newer than the one pictured below:
I’m old school in many ways, but a wire-spool recorder is a bit beyond my parameters. Parts for the thing, you see, would be somewhat difficult to acquire.
What the heck, though? I still have nothing to say. I’m tired. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of my abilities dropping off like body parts of a leper. I’m tired of feeling like a leper because, if you happen to see me on the road or at the Home Depot or at Church, you cannot immediately see that which disables me. I don’t walk with a cane (usually), I’m not blind (yet), I’ve never been fired at or been in artillery combat, all my original parts are still attached, and I can talk about the weather just as well as you can.
I was tired of talking about the weather when I was 5 years old. I became an agnostic at 8 years old, having to prove everything in the world to my own satisfaction before I could believe it. I was reading Wall Street Journal editorials at 10 years old. I had already dreamed about being President, but knew that it was a certainty when I was 11 years old, the summer of the USA’s Bicentennial.
I guess there’s more nothing about which to ramble, but it could take rather a long time to get all of this nothingness out of my head. Were you to read this nothingness, you may think, “Who the heck is this guy, bragging about all his interests and supposed gifts?”
But soon thereafter you would get around to thinking, “Who the heck is guy, talking all this dark crap? And does this tome of darkness ever reach an end?” That’s kinda what I’m thinking right now. And that’s kinda why I’m so bloody tired, kinda why I have nothing to say.
LORD, fill my nothingness up with more of YOU! LORD, replace the darkness with YOUR LIGHT! I am YOURS, LORD JESUS! Shine in me, then shine through me, that I may speak YOUR WORD to a tired, lonely, broken, lost world, a world filled with nothingness. Amen.
“In Jesus’ Name, I’m an overcomer, and I’m coming back at you…!” ~Dr. Tony Evans